Through one of our many contacts in the political sphere - who , themselves , have regular dealings with people they describe as "...movers and shakers.." in the business world , we have learned that the Provisional Sinn Fein organisation is at the centre of a proposed take-over by one or other of the above-pictured supermarket chains .
Although late was the hour when our source confirmed this historic (!) news to us , we nonetheless , eventually , managed to contact a spokesperson for the Provos who , on hearing the amount of information we already had on the take-over,decided it would be in the produc....eh...party's best interest to "...bring a degree of clarity to this important and historic occasion , least the truth be submerged in a tissue of mis-direction from the securocrats who , as we all know ...etc etc " Anyway - just before blood started seeping from our ears - we managed to get the following sentence from that spokesperson : "....and , yes - going forward , and in the best interests of those whose votes we borrowed , I can confirm that we have once again sold ou...eh....arranged for closer cooperation between ourselves and one of the supermarket chains you mentioned . I cannot , however , confirm which supermarket chain ,as to do so would break the financial packag...em...agreement which our Gerry has entered into with said best-value multi-national confectionary-and-other-top-class-product retailer.."
Meanwhile.....
.....a part-time student , recently employed (on a temporary contract) by Tesco to round-up errant trollies in the local supermarker car park told us that "...the whole bleedin' gaff is wired with the buzz of the Provies takin' over here , so it is... " Sporting a rather naff pale green 'uniform' , Mickser pointed to the logo affixed to same - it read 'PSFCO' , accompanied by the legend (in small print) - 'if you shop elsewhere you will ruin this whole process'. In a foretaste of what may be to come , Mickser pleaded with us not to use his full name in our article as to do so could well render him to the 'Damaged Goods' section.....
WAL*MART , for its part ,told us that there is "...not a Gawd-damn thing wrong in big business buying a poo-lit-acal partee . I sure as Hell dunno how the syss-tim works in yer neck 'o the woods , Sonny Jim , but that there is the way we do business here.."
The spokesman continued on to tell us that his company's Board of Directors decided on purchasing the Provos after they had witnessed , over the past 21 years , how the leadership of that party had managed to sell all types of crap to its own people.
" Yep ! Sure thing ! If Jerrie A-dams can sucker-punch his own buddies like that , just think what he can do for us !! YEEHAW! "
This blog will post updates as they happen , although we do admit to suffering from a collective headache and sore eyes , no doubt due to repeatedly witnessing the same old rubbish being repackaged in bright new plastic boxes and sold to gullible punters.......
('1169...' Comment : normal service will resume tomorrow , April 2nd.....)
